Originally Posted by LH19


There is nothing you can do right now to end the affair or get your H back.

Even if you weren't the best W in the world you don't deserve this. That said, cheating is often an expression of anger. It can be useful to understand why he was angry -- but be careful: do not use that as an excuse to blame yourself. You are NOT guilty of creating this situation in any way.

You are panicking right now trying to do something, anything, to regain control over your life.

Recognize that you are in a state of panic -- there is no shame in that. You've been traumatized. When you are panicking, you will act without thinking things all the way through. You don't want to do that, so embrace that you are panicking and wait for it to pass before taking additional actions.




I get that the whole exchange was shameful.... COMPLETELY wrong of me to ask the same question twice. I don't know why he asked me why the self help books except maybe to see how desperate I am?

You are 100% right. He is sharing everything with her. He wants to please her and make her happy and they both smile at lowly and desperate I am if I am reading self help books on how to be a better wife.

To his credit --- he was not a total do*che. It was not uncommon for my H to say things like "its none of your business", "what does it matter" if I asked a question that he was annoyed by. This doesn't make it okay but when I came home from work I was awake and wanted to interact with my H who just got up and was sleepy... and when he got home all awake he wanted to chat with me and I'm like where's the caffeine. I was probably more tolerant of crabbiness than most people should have been.

And - when I said "to be a better wife and a better person"... he did chide with "too little too late" "don't care, I'm numb to it all now"

Your right he said nothing. But, he took the high road and held in any rude comments. I think this is a testament to how happy and relaxed he now is in his current life. Happy people don't go around making others miserable... So is it the kindergarten saying if you don't have anything nice don't say anything at all?

Don't get me wrong - he asked the question but didn't acknowledge the answer - not cool.

But, I can do nothing about this affair except give me additional fuel to bond over. DONE WITH THAT.

Last edited by job; 06/25/20 07:08 PM. Reason: edited language