OK you poured your heart out and nothing changed, what comes next?
There is nothing you can do right now to end the affair or get your H back.
How does that feel? Crappy right? Used to fixing things? Used to finding a way? Familiar with the feeling that if you work hard enough, anything is possible? None of that applies now, there is nothing you can do. You need to surrender to that, grieve it and find peace with it. Fighting against it sets you up as his adversary, pushes them together and you away. If you continue to actively try to disrupt the affair and get your H back, you will only dig your hole deeper and deeper, and that will be a debt that will take you a long time to recover from. Unfortunately he most likely passed this information onto OW and they are probably got good a chuckle out of it.
Even if you weren't the best W in the world you don't deserve this. That said, cheating is often an expression of anger. It can be useful to understand why he was angry -- but be careful: do not use that as an excuse to blame yourself. You are NOT guilty of creating this situation in any way.
You are panicking right now trying to do something, anything, to regain control over your life.
Recognize that you are in a state of panic -- there is no shame in that. You've been traumatized. When you are panicking, you will act without thinking things all the way through. You don't want to do that, so embrace that you are panicking and wait for it to pass before taking additional actions.
