[may22]

Ugh, Scout. What a winner. It is so empowering to watch you stand tall and shake the dirt of this guy off of your coat tails.

One of my best friends-- the one person I've told-- was also married to someone who I believe has narcissistic personality disorder (not to diagnose your X from what I know of him, but it does seem to fit). He also totally blew up their lives overnight-- went on a trip, met another woman, came home and BDed. Said all sorts of terrible things (you're not my intellectual equal and she is, you have no drive, etc) and was horrible throughout the entire D process. She has been dealing with trying to understand how she was married to him and loved him when we all knew what an a$$hole he was from the beginning. It doesn't sound like you're struggling with that, but did you? At first?

(And as a side karma note, her ex married the AP, plugged right into her family (she has a son) and flaunted his family and happiness all over the place. Until this past fall, three years or so after he left my friend, his new R imploded, they have now Ded, and he posted reams of sad belly-button contemplating garbage on social media and quit his job to travel around the world for a year... right before coronavirus hit. hee hee hee hee. But, he sent my friend a long email, which she has filtered into a separate folder and didn't want to read for a long time, since she is finally healing and moving on. She had me read it. In the letter, he has hit rock bottom. He finally understands how cruel and selfish he was being, how much he hurt her, how f-ed up it all was. He doesn't expect a response but needed to let her know how very very sorry he was and how much he regrets his behavior. Blah blah blah. And now she's in a great new relationship with someone who cares for and respects her and he's probably holed up at his parents' house quarantining. I know it is not nice of me but I can't help but feeling a bit of glee at how $hit comes back around.)

Reading your thread, and Alison's, I am thinking about the journey we all have to take to get to the place where you can see things more clearly. This:

I would have filed for divorce in October last year if not for the mandatory 12-month waiting period. But it would have been done in anger and not with a clear heart and mind. I have no regrets. I am strong and proud of it. My gaping wound is cleanly healed. Just a little bruised still.

Really resonated with me. I want that-- a clear heart and mind. Strength and pride and healing. And most importantly... no regrets. Thank you for sharing this. It is inspiring, Scout, truly. xx