Ending Limbo

[Core]

I have some thoughts to the source of my spinning. It's a battle of two belief systems.

Set A: Fight for marriage till the bitter end, kids need two parents in one home, god is pro marriage, W can be forgiven, you love w and are attracted to her most times just not at the moment, divorce will cause shame, life will be worse after.

Set B: You're holding on to a dead marriage, W forsake god and the marriage-this makes it ok and advisable to D, you dont love her and arent attracted to her-did you ever?, the kids are worse off the longer this lasts, divorce will help to achieve goals and thus happiness, you cant forgive W, life will be better after D, W doesnt deserve you and you deserve better, if Im only holding on for the kids then there is nothing worth saving.

Reality is probably inbetween these two however I keep trying to pick one mindset or the other. My former snooping is for confirmation that im making the right choice. My previous check ins with W are to help me validate my choice. My search for whats she's doing right and wrong are to reinforce both beliefs. Such is my mind right now. I can see a grey middle at times but I dont want to, because that makes this harder. Theres a nagging belief still telling me I'm wasting my time. If W comes back, why would I want her, what value does she bring? Besides physical benefits, I dont foresee much and that su**s to say. She hasnt been supportive or loving in years, I think that is who she is, not the woman who appeared the first few years. I'm starting to wish I didn't disrupt the EA and she continued with wanting the D. If she filed in Sept, I'd possibly be D'd and moved on to supporting just myself and the kids. Those last few lines are just venting and journaling. I'm hitting the weights today and trying to squeeze in my weight goal. I'm close with just a few days left.