I wanted to throw one more thing out there, I realize that I don't sound like I am advocating 'saving the marriage' and I didn't want to come across negative in that way. But the marriage is over. Your marriage is over, my marriage is over, and what I want and hope for you is that your truly understand you are worth more than sitting around waiting for his scraps. Maybe there is a chance for a 2.0 in the future but the only possible chance for it is to let this one go. When you finally can let it go you will realize that no matter the things you did or didn't do, you don't deserve his actions of walking away and being with the OW. You deserve better and unless he puts real work into fixing his issues (doesn't sound like he has any desire to do so. Probably like mine who thinks its all my fault and nothing is wrong on his end!) then there is nothing there that you should be hanging around for.
You deserve better. Hold your head high and stop holding all the blame on yourself. It takes two to tango and he is running away from his accountability and responsibility and that is not a man worth chasing. Maybe if/when one day he does face those issues then you have something worth your interest.
Thank you for weighing and giving me some serious advice.
I can only work on myself. Being with him 10yr I know he has issues. I also know the damage he suffered from the long commute and sleep deprivation and the lack of a social circle. I'm grateful that he has found a way to manage that even if its in my absence. Though he shows no emotion with me --- I know he has found some happiness and peace and we all deserve that.
I recognize my short comings. I was a controlling B. I didn't see how that communicated how badly my H felt disrespected. Does that make his actions ok??? Of course not. Not by a long shot - would I have behaved that way?? NOPE. And, there were times I was very frustrated in this M too.
But if you are drowning you save yourself first before you can save anyone else. H felt like he was drowning. Yes, his head got turned by the first woman who stroked his ego... yes, it had been too long. I forgive him for needing to save himself.
I will continue to do the hard work. I had an appt with a life coach yesterday and after talking with her I was way ahead of the game when it came to where I'm at and what I need to keep doing. Maybe I'm struggling because I'm not allowing myself to forgive me???
Either way. I'm a long way off and I need to hunker down and stop getting distracted. I need the mindset that he no longer exists.
