You are right LH ---- I'm the one being manipulative.
Control comes from fear. What was I fearing about the actual move out process with H? Well I didn't want OW at my home at all. This is my safe place. Why not his friends - I don't know them and having them come in and out of my home felt like a violation to me. Why not his parents - This was a highly personal matter between H and I and I wished to poison as few wells as possible. I feared being judged.
So I did control the moving out - and I recognize those fears. The move out took more trips than either of us imagined but I took every opportunity to be looking my best, and acting my best. I did the heavy lifting and packing up. I never cried, begged or pleaded and any weakness I showed were brief and not repetitive. I'm sure there are many who could not have done that.
I suppose I wanted to also prove to my H that I was not his XW. I was not going to act irrationally and destroy his personal effects. Maybe if I could remain calm, cool and poised he would walk away respecting me... wondering did he miss judge me?
Your right H is selfish. He doesn't even look at me like a person right now. He asks for this or that and I stuff it down and get it done (then come to vent here). You are right to call me out on my BS. I asked my H for a favor - testing his level of interest? to see if he would say no (because he could not say no to me previously)? Maybe all of that. So I got what I deserved there.
You are probably also right that he's siting up pretty tall liking his view point that I'm still under his thumb.
I need to sit with my feelings. Yesterday was pretty painful. I need to remind myself that doing nothing is doing something. That so long as I remain in contact with him he gets all the time in the world to get over me.
