I completely get it. What you are dealing with is the one aspect of DB I don't think I ever grasped (when to decide to walk). It just so happened that my situation got so bad that choosing to D was clearly the best option, hands down.
Originally Posted by SteveS
But I feel like if I say "Look, either you complete them by date x or I'm going to do it" is just going to be pressure, ultimatums, and doing the work for her. So I sort of don't really know how to balance out the ideas that I'm learning about.
You feel that way, or you think SHE will feel that way?
My personal take on DB is that it is a prescription for an acute patient (the LBS) to prevent him/her from doing incredibly stupid and destructive things to their changes of repairing their MR. It is also a prescription to set one on the path towards self-improvement and happiness regardless of the MR outcome.
At first, you follow the protocol strictly. Sandy's 39 rules, to a tee. Over time, things come more naturally. Eventually, hopefully you start to THINK differently. You start to build self-confidence in who you are and who you want to be. You change how you interact with people. You become more self-assured.
What I'm trying to say is, micro-analyzing whether or not these little decisions apply pressure is, in my opinion, a complete waste of your time. You are a year into your situation. If you want the paperwork done, tell her if she doesn't complete them by date X you're going to do it. If you don't care, leave it alone and enjoy your day. It is incredibly liberating to start making these decisions quickly, feeling good about them, ignoring how the other person will react (knowing that you made a decision in accordance with your values), and going on about your day without the NG thought patterns.
