May, I get the sense you're uncomfortable with the word abuse being applied to your situation. Does it help to think of it in a literal sense - the exploitation of a power imbalance for personal gain? Or as wikipedia puts it - the improper usage of a thing to unfairly gain benefit. In your case, it's covert rather than overt.
Traumatic bonding can occur between the abuser and victim as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change and a climate of fear. I do wonder if this resonates with you at all.
