How patient you want to be is up to you, but the current dynamic does sound completely stuck.
It's definitely stuck, there's no maybe about it. I find it really difficult to understand how to be outcome-independent and drop the rope, but not give up. It feels like I'll never be able to detach so long as there's still ambiguity about the situation.
I feel like I'm doing a fairly good job at some of it. I'm NC unless she initiates it and I'm very short and to-the-point when she does. I'm focusing on my own growth, and taking care of myself physically. I'm reading, working with a therapist, and posting here.
But I still have such trouble understanding how to set boundaries. As an example, I'm very frustrated the process we're going through, how she says that she wants legal separation paperwork in place yet does nothing about it. But I feel like if I say "Look, either you complete them by date x or I'm going to do it" is just going to be pressure, ultimatums, and doing the work for her. So I sort of don't really know how to balance out the ideas that I'm learning about.
