Thank you all for the feedback. I'm taking away some positive actions: - learn more - get the book - Being a super spouse isn't going to work! - Temper my expectations - Think & listen more and don't react - Change for myself
Here's some more details and would love feedback and ideas....
The divorce is on "hold" with the court - she filed a motion to pause. We came to this after she had an uncontrollable break down when my lawyer started pushing on a 7/7 with the kids - this is 7 days with one and 7 with the other, along with us not living together anymore. She started to second guess if this was the right thing to be doing. I stood firm on the idea that our marriage is about "us" and not the package around it - including the kids. We need to be strong, loving, committed and so on or I feel nothing else will follow. I sense she is more about the package and less about me - it appears she likes the fact that she can now be in school 100% while I basically live like I singe dad. This is why I think it's worse than roommates - she is a roommate and I take care of literally everything.
The positive is that since this decision, anxiety and conflict are way down. Prior to this blow up, we would always say "I love you", have intimacy (sort of - every 2 weeks) and communicate more (like calls after work and so on).
I'm stuck on awareness - I know that I am not perfect and need to be the best I can. We both have many things to work on that will make each other feel loved and satisfied but as I learn more and reflect, I'm questioning if this is even possible. For example, for those that know the 5 languages of Love, my top is "quality time" and this is lost. Can this return? I have also stopped saying nice things and need to pick this up - when I do, will it reciprocate? I believe love is two way street in a marriage but what does one do if it's always a one-way street?
