Time for a bit of an update, and a turn in my path.
H left OW. The process started about a week ago in earnest with a big blow-up, his telling her he was leaving, and hours and hours of fighting a discussion. Preparations started prior to that. He was looking for a 3 – 4 hour window where she would be gone, but it happened a few nights ago. Cops involved and all.
It unfolded exactly as I thought it would. She causing an altercation where she faked an injury. She calling the cops, saying he had a gun. Well, yes, but it was locked up in his safe on another floor. He has a permit for it. Cops came, guns drawn, H temporarily handcuffed. After discussion, the cops stayed while H got his stuff, and even helped carry a few boxes. No charges filed, of course. He is now living 1 mile away in a friend’s home (a very, very nice one, I might add).
H told me she tried to contact him 141 times from 8 pm until sometime that next morning. Crazy stuff. Too much drama for me.
So, a new phase has begun. For H, for me, for our family.
H and D20 have an appointment in 3 weeks with a LMFT. They both have met her, both like her. I accompanied D20, and I liked her too. I’m hopeful she will help us all navigate the exploration of a new relationship amongst us all. D20 is very, very guarded. I understand that their reconciliation may impact our reconciliation. I’m trying not to interfere in D20’s decisions to meet with him. I was disappointed she chose to wait 3 weeks because she still in not sure she wants to see him again. I want it to happen NOW! But, I say nothing.
H phoned me while driving from his condo to our friends home. Perhaps anxious for me to know he finally did it. Perhaps just needed someone to talk to. Considers me a friend, perhaps.
His expressions of reconciling are still voiced. He understands my wariness. He understands it is daunting. He understands that a lot of work needs to be done. When we discussed how he was needing to get his most important things out of the condo prior to leaving, he said “including my wedding ring”.
I thought that was interesting. A message for me, I guess.
He wants to meet soon. For a meal, whatever. I told him there is a lot of difficult things we will need to talk about and discuss, but the heavy stuff can be left for another time.
I’m uncertain how to navigate this. Perhaps that is the crux of my problem – thinking about how to navigate an unknown. I need to remind myself to let this unfold on it’s own accord.
I’m doubting his ability to stay the course. I’m doubting his ability to stay away from women while we are trying to work on our marriage. History has a tendency to repeat itself. However, H reminds me he wants to be a new, better person. He’s in his 6th month of therapy. I’m also anxious about his reconciliation with our daughter and how that plays into our potential reconciliation.
Fears. That recurring theme. I don’t want it to interfere in what might be. What plans God has for me.
For now, I need to just be. Live my life as I have been. Take care of my kids. Get together with my friends. And allow H to contact me. The urge to talk to him, see him, is strong. But, he needs to do the heavy lifting for a while, and I need to continue on with my joyful and peaceful life.
Perhaps sharing a meal with just light-hearted conversation and a few laughs might be just what we both need right now.
Nothing more, nothing less.
I will be looking to advice from my wise friends here as this journey continues.
