SteveS ~ I've probably re-read NMMNG 4 times. I learn new insights each time.
I also found myself finally getting in touch with healthy anger in the last year. You know the book... NG's *think* they aren't angry, but they really are, and often in unhealthy ways.
One supplemental thing that helped me was listening to some podcasts by a certain author known for using expletives in the title of his books. He talks about really getting in touch with your core values, then making decisions aligned with those values. Not just paying them lip-service and acting like they are your values. Really meaning it. For some reason, this really helped me detach a lot from the BS and focus on my needs to the point where I had a lot more perspective on my life and what I wanted out of it.
BTW I'm no guru of how to do this. It took my STBXW trying to move away with my kids over false allegations to finally "see the light" so to speak. It's hard when you don't have these obvious flashing red signs. How patient you want to be is up to you, but the current dynamic does sound completely stuck.
