Steve, I see you at a critical juncture in your sitch. It is now over 13 months since BD. And a year since separation. At this point I feel like you are stuck. I hate to see LBS that are stuck.
So what do you want? Do want to keep waiting for her? Do you want to move on with your life? If not now, at what point?
In my sitch I had set a 1 year date post BD. (Since it was 12/23, I set 1/4 as the day I would go file for D and move on with my life if she hadn't recommitted.)
I think this is important Steve. I really do not think in 3-5 years after BD that you want to look back and realize you wasted so much time waiting for her. I've been open about a multi-decade, on-again off-again relationship I had that really had me stuck and stymied. For years. It is not something I look back on fondly about myself. And I really wish I had respected myself enough to have pull the plug on it very early on and moved on with my life.
I hear you, but I'd feel a lot more stuck if I weren't so actively trying to work my NMMNG issues, working my therapist, etc. to improve my overall emotional and mental health moving forward. At least right now I can 100% say that I don't feel that whatever's next for me will be fraught with the same issues.
At the same time, that's actually also part of what's holding me back: I really do believe things would be different in a reconciliation, and it's hard for me to look past the connection that we still very much have.
It's hard to answer any questions on timing. Like I said, I always just figured that I'd wake up one day and either not want to do it, or no longer have the option. I certainly don't think it will be or want it to be 3-5 years. I do believe 100% that I will find love again, someone I'll love as much, and a relationship that will be as meaningful to me.
I guess long story short, I don't really have an answer. And to a reply above, I think that the feelings I'm feeling are a result of me turning the corner a little bit.
