Just journaling: Same slow and steady pace. Nothing much has changed really but some revelations.
This past weekend I was taken out as his wife to a housewarming BBQ since everything has to be outside these day. Unlike the grad party I knew every one there. The couple who bought the home are the couple who were married in the Caribbean in early October. The last thing we did where we actually liked each other...lol. The H in the couple is my H's best friend, was the bestman at our wedding. My H was the bestman at his. So best man and his wife clearly knew everything that was going on. Her and I had a little heart to heart. She told me how worried they were for me, but funnily enough started worrying more about my H because of his weird erratic behavior. She and bestman were actually a little surprised when I showed up, they hadn't realized what way things were going. But she said her and bestman both felt it was pretty positive that I was there.
They had a party back in January that I didn't go to. Apparently I was sick...... I was unaware that I didn't attend because I was ill 1) because I wasn't ill at that time 2) I had no idea there was a party until after the party happened and 3) I didn't even know I was invited until this past weekend. Also much to my surprise , and apparently theirs as well at the time, given H's behavior, OW wasn't in attendance either.
H was throwing around a lot of us-s and we-s at this BBQ. "Oh we grill all the time. WF loves the grill I got her last year for her b-day." "Oh yeah WF does all the grilling in our house" "Oh we try to eat healthy like Sunday-Thrusday." "Oh we've been meaning to try that." It's such a mind f***to hear him talk like that. I mean he does it around here and my brain is screaming "We, who?? Last I checked we weren't a 'we.'" Him doing it around a bunch of people was that on 11. We did have a lovely time though. And it was nice for things to feel normal, like really normal for a little bit.
I'm starting to wonder if he's bringing me around his friends so he can feel things out with out much consequence, and/or deal with the shame and the back peddling in bite sized, easy to swallow chunks. I know it's mind reading I get it. But the leaning in always throws me.
He really enjoyed his Father's Day. The girls picked out cards. I got him a couple of small gifts and threw them in a bag with the cards for the girls. He thanked me for the gifts, because he knew the girls didn't pick them...lol. Ordered in what he wanted for dinner that night. He took the girls for a hike earlier in the day. I was invited but I had a paper due. All in all though it was a lovely weekend.
Umm pretty sure D17 caught us getting busy. But I haven't really brought it up. And she hasn't either. So I've been leaving it. She's been house sitting this week so we've been kid free since Monday. H came home early from work and we went to the bedroom. As we were getting dressed H's eye got wide and said I think D17 is here. She was. The bedroom door was closed tight but there's no way she didn't hear us. When he decided to try to sneak out she was in the bathroom. I have no idea. I feel like I need to just leave it be unless she says something.
