I was so desperate for the anger to stop... and managed to get to a place of emotional neutral with him. But, now I feel that he is just indifferent. At least with anger there was some emotional attachment.
I get that anger is from pain.
I thought it was good when the anger dissipated and vilification stopped - but now there is so much more distance... at least with anger I knew where I stood?
Is that weird???
I mean what 4months ago standing in the kitchen together and he is angry. His voice and tone are harsh... so much anger H-"IDK MAYBE I JUST WANTED TO HAVE HOPE" Me - "I want to have to have hope too" BUt, there was eye contact!!!
To today. We are both standing in the kitchen. Not an angry bone or muscle between us. Our voices are calm and respectful. He doesn't look at me directly. His face is emotionless. Our talk is casual... about his work, his fishing. But, he has no interest in what I'm doing.
I thought getting through the anger and being calm and respectful of each other. The big steps I've taken to let go of control and to show him more respect... would open the door for more intimacy between us but just seems to have brought us to opposite sides of the Grand Canyon.
