I listened. He said talking about these trips and thinking about not doing them makes him want to run back into my arms, even though my arms are crossed in hatred to him right now. (I said they are not crossed in hatred but nothing else.) He said he didn't think that was a good enough reason, was it? Or was it a good reason? I said, you need to figure this out for yourself. He dropped it.
Ugh. You responded perfectly here, and this is text-book nice guy manipulation, where he's putting himself our there as vulnerable in need of help, wanting to give affection, and you as the cold, angry woman full of hatred. And then he wants you to endorse how good his reasons are for coming back - basically asking you to accept this nonsense.
May - I know you don't want to run on anger. And I get that. And I think you don't need to be angry to have boundaries. But do see this for what it is - game-playing by a desperate man that is treating you like his Mommy. Constant temperature checking and these really manipulative games where you either have to be affectionate and nice to him - or at least, 'not apathetic' (because he doesn't like it) or defend yourself against accusations that you are hateful.
If you can't just ignore this silliness from him, then I suggest the phrase 'you could be right,' which confirms or denies nothing, puts all the speculation and game playing and nonsense back onto his lap, and lets you get out of the conversation without having to justify, argue, defend or blame.
