DB'ing while living in with a WAS/MLC husband

[SteveLW]

Thank you May and LH!

I just wanted to know if it was just my wayward H that acts in this manner....its good to know they all are like this....its so painful to hear, and he just keeps repeating it and it just hurts so bad.

My W was the exact same way. Though she claimed to "love" me she made it known it was a platonic, non-sexual love. She even compared me to a very unattractive guy we know, saying that when she thought of me she put me in the same category as him. That one hurt. Ain't gonna lie.

Of course a few weeks later she was initiating sex with me at an inhuman rate. So it is important to realize that while he feels that way right now, it can change in the future. The way you help that along to DB! GAL, 180s, and detachment. I cannot stress enough how much those three helped in my situation. The more I recaptured the guy I was when we met, the more I self-improve and became a better version of myself, and the more I acted "as if", didn't react emotionally to her words and deeds, and embraced moving on and her moving on........the more she slowly but surely started to come around.

Trust the process.

And he says he is so lonely and usually starts to tear up when he says that...but I am lonely too!! I told him to make playdates - and he has - going out with friend for lunch, another for dinner, going on a float trip. Sort of pisses me off, but I know that's good for him. Should I have suggested that? I was to GAL for myself but I am struggling there - and off HE goes with plans. Was that a good idea? in solving his loneliness problem, did I just screw myself?

NO you shouldn't have. Listen. And validate. "Wow, that must be difficult for you. I understand how you feel."

I know I need to GAL, but quarantine and kids are just blockers (whine), and July 4th is coming up...long weekend...dreading it.

I am lonely. Don't you all get lonely?

You know it already. GAL solves lonliness. If you are lonely then you aren't GAL enough. Reconnect with old friends. Find support groups. Be busy! I say this all the time, the LBSs that struggle the most are the ones that do GAL the worst. Sitting around, stewing in your own juices, and thinking about your sitch 24/7 will not move you forward.