Ending Limbo

[Core]

Let me start off by saying I am not anti you filing for D. I think when it comes down to it though it is all about your anxiety and you think filing for D will relive it. I promise you it will not.

Not only will filing for D not resolve your anxiety, but I would suggest not making a D decision at all until you can reduce your anxiety levels. Otherwise your situation, no matter what direction it goes, will eat you apart

I'm with you that D wont relieve my anxiety. It may give me a better life though which means less stress, more energy and more time to heal from anxiety. I can reach for my goals that W is blocking instead of sitting in this limbo.

If you want to put your kids first then do it. Trust me right now if you guys are not fighting then they will have no idea you are in a dysfunctional relationship.

I wonder if they will eventually. D4 had a dream where W and I kissed each other and then gave her a bunch of kisses. Dreaming of a normal family unit. Its probably easier on them if we D when they are younger.

You have the opportunity to man up and be the rock for your kids and not let the vampire bring you down.

True

LH and U are absolutely right.

Filing for D will not relieve your pain or anxiety. That is what is called the "illusion of action". If I do A, then B will happen.

Is your home situation fairly calm? Is W fighting you all the time? Or are you somewhat cordially cohabiting?

Things are calm, we haven't fought in awhile. This is honestly the calmest we've been as a couple since her personality shift a few years back. If we added in intimacy and love, this would be a healthy home.

I think the reason you are so stressed is you feel you have to make a decision right away. You feel as if there is some sort of deadline hovering over your head. Why do you think that is?

That was the stress for awhile. Its the instability now. Check out Maslows Heirarchy of needs. My "needs" on this scale are disrupted near the bottom of the pyramid. My IC quoted this as well when mentioning I need a safe space to heal. One minute I'm here planning my departure, the next I see wedding photos on the wall. One minute I'm detaching from W, the next she says "you can come out with me and the kids". She actually wanted help on a short trip and thats how I was asked. I cant trust this person.

You don't have to decide anything, you know. You actually have the control here. What is it YOU want to do? Not W, not to fix the MR. But you, yourself - what does Core want to do?

Sadly I want to D her and move on. I want to start the next phase of my life. If D can take a year, its just that much longer living with no intimacy and living in a stuck situation. It pains me to write how I truly feel about W for the world to see here. I'll say that I'm distant emotionally, physically and spiritually and I dont want to close that void. I prefer it now.

You could take this time to learn how to calm your anxieties and fears, spend tons of extra time with your kids, and focus on your own self improvement. You could let W alone to figure out her own business while you figure out yours.

This is my MO for the time being, I just dont want to spend too long here. The stress eats at me, my work performance is lowering and I can feel myself getting dumber by the day. I did soul searching and what I cherish the most besides my kids is stability. If one of my inner most wants is off, im not sure how well the anxiety battle will go. If I got hit by a car, its like putting a band aid on my scratches while leaving a gaping bleeding gash in my leg.

The future is unwritten. Living there, projecting your current situation into the future is pointless. You dont know what will happen. Neither do I, and neither does anyone on this board. As an example - did you really think a year ago that we would all be on lockdown due to a pandemic? I sure as [censored] didn't see that one coming lol

The futures exciting, it means change and growth. End of current problems, beginning of new ones. Cant predict it but Im ready for it.

I'm pretty my W made up going to counseling. I see no purpose in that. Dont go or do go but why lie. All this energy thats put in to bread crumbing could be utilized way better elsewhere.

I meditated for about 1.5 hours yesterday to think about what I want. In the beginning stressors presented so I got in the mindset of abundance. If I had no debt, all the money I needed, no need to work and have all sorts of stable women desiring me, what would I do with my life? What would my hobbies be, how would I feel, would there still be anxiety, what would I spend on, where would my time go, what would I do with my sitch?

I'm pretty on point with myself already, my answers were mostly to enjoy my kids, my current hobbies, give back to the world with love, clean up litter and help people. Solve problems. Where I cant meet my remaining purposes and desires is in hold because of W. I want a loving partner to spend time with. If I could have 40 women or 1, I'd rather one close intimate partner. I want to remove my debt but I can't as we need the money to survive post D. I want to travel but cant as I'm at risk of the family courts. I cant have a close intimate partner as my current one is on the dang moon and I dont want to send a rocket to bring her back. I'm gone and shes gone. I want my life, I want to aspire and work towards the wants that I yet to have. I want to live in an uncluttered house. Her stuff is everywhere and I'm sick of moving it and the kids deserve a clean environment. I want my house and my space.