I have been busy. A few more dates, plenty of chatting to people via text. It's been interesting and sometimes a lot of fun. I do seem to have made new friends out of this, which is nice. And I have some fantastically funny stories which I share with my friends, dating can be hilarious. I don't think I want a relationship right now, getting lots more social contact now lockdown is mostly over has been enough to quell the loneliness. I think I do fancy some more sex though, just got to find someone suitable and not break their heart in the process.
My sons seem to be doing pretty well, ds2 is back to school one day a week which is good for him, and he's started doing school work and has finally met up with friends. Ds1 is working a bit more now, which is good. I've had some nice times with them recently, particularly when ds1 went to visit his dad and it was just me and ds2.
We went to see H for father's day. He was quite miserable and at one point really lost his temper when I pointed out something he said which was incorrect, it was quite amusing actually. He told me he's getting a dog. The exact same type he had as a teen and which his mum got rid of when she had her affairs and moved them around and then abandoned them. How very symbolic. When he told the kids about the dog there was complete radio silence from them. You could almost see everyone thinking 'you're replacing your family with a DOG?' I think it's incredibly selfish of him to get a dog and then to go off travelling for a while, but selfishness is his modus operandus right now. Maybe a dog might help him to heal some of his abandonment issues. It probably won't fix him though, any more than wine has or his probably A did. At some stage he has to look internally, surely? I was also pretty angry with him for moving ALL his crap into our other house. It feels cramped and cluttered now, and I put a lot of effort into keeping it clear and clean. He hasn't cleaned the place in months. He seems to be settled there for a while, talked about not working this calendar this year and never going back to work in an office in town again. Hey ho. A judge might have different opinions. His payout seems to be inching ever so much closer. I do need to get my divorce ducks in a row. I have no plans to replace H any time soon with a better model but best to be prepared for the future. H might never fix himself enough to come back, and even if he started now it would be years of work which I doubt he's capable of. It's sad, I felt very sad as well as angry when I saw him on Sunday. He missed out on so much by being such a crap dad and husband. I feel sorry for him. Anyway, just getting on with my life, going for plenty of walks and runs and meeting new people and seeing my friends and having fun and enjoying the summer and trying to squeeze a bit of job hunting in. Life is pretty good all in all.
