Gosh, Alison, lots of developments. Except in your H's behaviour. Mr Ranty McTantrum describes my H's behaviour a lot of the time in the past. It's extraordinarily difficult to deal with someone who is incapable of self reflection and whose default setting is lashing out and not apologising afterwards. Your H sounds in a bad place. You sound as centred as you can be. I identify so much with the drowning person analogy. Important not to get sucked into their vortex of hurt, that's what detachment is.
