A thought. Can you still lean on the same things that helped center you in the awful time during the EA and during the S? GAL, focusing on being present, with the children, etc? I think one of the benefits of DBing is that it allows you to start to rely on yourself for your own fulfillment and happiness. It is OK to be sad that your H had an EA. You deserve it. Let yourself feel that grief and let it move through you. Accept that you have doubts and insecurities about what this all really means and what might happen in the future... and if you can, try to let go of your anxieties about what might or might not happen, when or if you'll get your questions answered, when or if you'll trust him again fully. Sit with where you are right now. Be happy that he's home, happy for your kids, and take it one day at a time.
I also had all of those same thoughts about the A and why and would I ever fully know and trust, and that is why I finally pushed the transparency talk (which wasn't fully transparent after all). I was worried about my own healing and ability to reengage with the R wholly if we didn't deal with these things. But, I don't think my H was ready for it. He just said to me last night that to him, coming to me this past weekend to tell me the full story that he hadn't said before was him WANTING to share it, not him responding to a request (=demand) from me. The difference was that before he felt I was telling him what to do. Now he is making his own decision to tell me these last things, and he's willing to tell me anything more I want to know though he also respects my decision not to need to know more about things as well. I truly don't know if there is anything to this at all. But maybe you can take something away from my failure... continuing to let him come to you on his own terms might still be a good path, and working to manage yourself as best you can.
xx M
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
