Well I can say with 100% certainty... we don't hate each other... but when the D is final I won't be looking to go back. I've come to feel that is the biggest betrayal of all. The giving up.
I have a hard time following your logic. You don't consider a PA and the purchase of another house giving up but a piece of paper is the nail in the coffin. Do you think right now he is just playing a terrible joke on you? I am being serious by the way.
I know it doesn't make sense... BUT, that is how I feel.
The buying the house was happening regardless... Remember I had promised to move with him once S18 was out of school. Even in the beginning of the situation before the actual PA he stated if we did work this out I would be coming to him (new house) and he would not be returning to this home. He was under such incredible stress and sleep deprivation --- the day he brought up separating he had probably had 10hr sleep in the last 4 days.
So buying the home is not a big deal. We had already decided to do that right down to the type of loan we would be looking for --- exactly what he did.
The PA is a big deal AND in order to ever R there would have to be some serious amends on his part plus some serious changes going forward. He would have to have some sort of "I ROYALLY SCREWED UP AND I'M SO SORRY. IS THERE A WAY TO WORK THROUGH THIS?" So please don't think I'd just roll over and roll out the red carpet for him. We would have some serious work to do. I've looked into a marriage retreat weekend which would be a requirement before taking any steps toward R. All I'm saying is that I haven't closed the door.
I've got some strong sentimental attachement to M, our wedding date. I won't go into it here but those sentiments are more mine than his as they are personal to me outside of my H. I would completely not forgive him if the D was final... to me that's giving up. I don't want to be with someone who gave up when it got hard... because I would never do that.
