No one feels that he will ever come back and want to work on the M. I'm at a place where I know this is the truth... but I will always have hope because I'm the optimist.
I think there is a good chance he will some day. Just not on your timeline.
My friends parents got back together after 35 years apart and they hated each other.
Well I can say with 100% certainty... we don't hate each other... but when the D is final I won't be looking to go back. I've come to feel that is the biggest betrayal of all. The giving up.
This is just perplexing to me. Your H fired you and shacked up with another woman. That's not a deal-killer for you, but if he doesn't attend his step-son's graduation then that is a deal-killer? I mean I'm not excusing his lack of interest in attending, I've already been clear on my thoughts on that and his selfishness. But why are you randomly drawing a line in the sand over it? I mean if that's a deal-killer then you should really just be done and move on because he's done far worse already.
RIGHT????
I think when it comes to the relationship with H... I can see the role I played in how empty and neglected he felt. I'm not using that as an excuse for his choices but I am not making myself blameless in the dysfunction of our M.
I think its the momma bear thing.... hurt me... that's on me... hurt my kid... GAME ON BUSTER!
Well I can say with 100% certainty... we don't hate each other... but when the D is final I won't be looking to go back. I've come to feel that is the biggest betrayal of all. The giving up.
I have a hard time following your logic. You don't consider a PA and the purchase of another house giving up but a piece of paper is the nail in the coffin. Do you think right now he is just playing a terrible joke on you? I am being serious by the way.
When you're not even close to being detached? Yes.
KC, your denial is intense.
I respect your viewpoint. Its often hard to see things when your on the inside verses someone on the outside with no emotional attachment.
It really just doesn't bother me... actually a text just popped up. I had been texting two other family members so wasn't expecting him to text. But, he did but it was "tomorrow morning?" - so he is just confirming that he is coming out to get his mail.
It is what it is... but I accept that I am perhaps still deep in denial and probably not detached enough. BUT, I'm not dealing with vicious anger from him any longer and I've held my ground on the financial order.
PLUS --- unrelated side note!!!! I just got told I look 35!!!! (I'm 51.... ) AWESOME!!!!
Well I can say with 100% certainty... we don't hate each other... but when the D is final I won't be looking to go back. I've come to feel that is the biggest betrayal of all. The giving up.
I have a hard time following your logic. You don't consider a PA and the purchase of another house giving up but a piece of paper is the nail in the coffin. Do you think right now he is just playing a terrible joke on you? I am being serious by the way.
I know it doesn't make sense... BUT, that is how I feel.
The buying the house was happening regardless... Remember I had promised to move with him once S18 was out of school. Even in the beginning of the situation before the actual PA he stated if we did work this out I would be coming to him (new house) and he would not be returning to this home. He was under such incredible stress and sleep deprivation --- the day he brought up separating he had probably had 10hr sleep in the last 4 days.
So buying the home is not a big deal. We had already decided to do that right down to the type of loan we would be looking for --- exactly what he did.
The PA is a big deal AND in order to ever R there would have to be some serious amends on his part plus some serious changes going forward. He would have to have some sort of "I ROYALLY SCREWED UP AND I'M SO SORRY. IS THERE A WAY TO WORK THROUGH THIS?" So please don't think I'd just roll over and roll out the red carpet for him. We would have some serious work to do. I've looked into a marriage retreat weekend which would be a requirement before taking any steps toward R. All I'm saying is that I haven't closed the door.
I've got some strong sentimental attachement to M, our wedding date. I won't go into it here but those sentiments are more mine than his as they are personal to me outside of my H. I would completely not forgive him if the D was final... to me that's giving up. I don't want to be with someone who gave up when it got hard... because I would never do that.
Second, wow for some reason I pictured you as 30's based on your story and posting. How hold is your H?