KC, I know it's hard, but you really need to let the party thing go. You also need to let go of feeling like you need to mirror his actions towards you. It's odd that you keep saying you only texted him because he texted you - you texted him because you wanted to, and you also apparently haven't kept the notifications from him silent if you heard it. I know it can be easy to come here and try to talk yourself into believing what you know you should do, and there's no harm in being honest with yourself (privately or here). He isn't some rubix cube or puzzle to figure out - there isn't some magic combination of behaviors related to you that is going to make him change his mind right this moment. You spend so much time dissecting everything - even when you say you aren't. Sure sometimes that means you aren't in a bad headspace necessarily, but you're still wasting resources on him that are better used on yourself.
I did change H texts from Unmuted. Muting them helped tremendously when I would panic if a text notification popped up... was it him. At the time I was getting several texts and some left me spinning.
Now I rarely get a text and when I do it doesn't really trigger me as before. I started using a note app on my phone and it helped a lot with the anxiety. I unmute his texts. Overall things have calmed down. He hasn't sent an angry text in over 2 months.
Whether H goes to party is up to him. I have no plans to mention it again.
I'm not mirroring every move my H does. I made a choice to acknowledge and I made sure that my acknowledgement did not exceed his... keeping level.
I really appreciate your input.
I've also read your thread and there were many times you chose to do what you felt was best and not necessarily DB. This for me was one of those choices. I had zero expectations... and have remained neutral. I sat with my feelings over it for some time.
While I have done a lot of.actions that I would now choose to do differently... I have seriously texted dumb things unnecessarily... often time just to see if he would text me back... how lame of me.
But I do not regret this particular text at all.
I'm still a work in progress. Today was a fantastic day for me... my emotional state has been extremely steady today... so much so that male bff who lives far away messaged me today wanting to know was I really ok... I was so at.peace today he could sense a strong change in me... a vibe that was sooo different... and I take that as a win!!!!
Idk... tomorrow is a another day... will this neutral vibe continue??? I hope so but I also expect I still have some hard days ahead too.
