I appreciate the support and I’ve come back here to post a few times but can’t quite get myself to hit the send button.
I think my discomfort and sadness is about the present. Slightly rooted in what went wrong in the past, but I borrow nothing from the future anymore. In my present I am really tired of working my butt off. I’m just so tired. But I gotta do it.
My patio and concrete is fixed on stairs and looks so good . The ex was here dropping of D and he was the first to see it and thought it was awesome. He brought over his new virtual reality gaming system for me to try and it was so awesome. We hung out and played for a bit. I do know this drives his W a bit crazy. And sadly enough, I get joy out of that. I would never cross a line, I have no desire, but I like her squirming a bit.
I went on a date Sunday night. Nice guy, seemed to be a good dad. I thought it was good he was divorced for 5 years except when I found out he was also in a relationship ship since he was separated and they just broke up in April. No thank you. You don’t get fresh out of a 5 year R and be ready to date. And if you are, there is something wrong. And they broke up for a few months last year and he was online dating then. And he got back with her. I refuse to put myself in that position. He waNts to see me again. I do not want to see him again.
I know too much, and I’m much farther along in these processes than most. And I did the work. I can’t seem to come across someone in the same place as me. I’m not willing to be with someone just to have someone. And I need someone who is a bit evolved and has relationship ship skills and has dealt with their stuff. And it’s truly hard to come by. But until I do, I will not settle.
I’m good news, I messed up my work schedule and didn’t have to work yesterday and I got to surprise my dad and spend the day at the beach with him. He was so happy. So was I. D12 is going on a 4 day getaway with her dad and his wife. His wife needs to assure me it’s a “educational trip” because they go tour mansions. IDGAf if it’s educational. I lose some time with her, but I’m happy she has something. To do. My ex only has to work 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off and get paid full. Lucky ducky.
