Moving On

[may22]

Pommy... yes, H's therapist even called out AP's manipulativeness to H (according to him). But he doesn't see it like that because her motivations are so pure (True Love) it makes it romantic for him and not f-ing terrifying as it properly should be.

U, I also wanted to say you're spot on with where H has me-- between limbo and hurting the kids. (Now my choice to not be best friends is hurting the kids, but his choice to pursue his affair is him being true to his authentic self.) I refuse to accept this. I do have a little fear about this new standoff and how long it may last and if I can keep it up without breaking-- him refusing to make a choice and trying to push all the blame and decision-making on me, me refusing to capitulate on either. When he says things about my fault in all this (the SSM) or I could just choose to be friends with him for the girls' sake, I have started to say "if it helps you to see it that way, that is ok, but you aren't going to convince me of anything and I think we should stop talking about it."

Of course, in his world, I'm putting him in a untenable situation of his own-- between giving up his one chance at happiness and hurting the kids. And because he believes I control the kids happiness with my refusal to enter into a fantasy D situation, I have all the power there and he is going to be railroaded into an unhappy, passionless M where he looks in the mirror and wishes he was with AP every day for the rest of his life. Of course I don't want that either. I don't really see a path for R for us. Does that mean I have to bite the bullet and make the call myself because that is the only viable path I see in front of me right now? I don't know... again, I just need to sit with all of this for awhile again. I've come a long ways in the last week. Here's to this next week being just as productive.