As I sat with my feelings I realized that I would not be very forgiving if H blew off S18's party. H knows how unreliable his father has been over the years and H ultimately had more influence over him than anything. H doesn't want to go because he feels it would be awkward, but seeing how his own mother and nephews will be there and possibly his son and gf I think there would be lots of opportunity to avoid my family and still stay for at least 30-40mn.
So you have been with back to back man who have been $hitty father figures. This is something you should be
I think that's pretty $hitty of you to make that asumption. I parted ways with S18's dad during pregnancy - he lived over 1000miles away at the time. Did make a move solely to be involved with his son but in the last several years for work had to move over 1000 miles away in the opposite direction. There are of course lots of other nuances that don't really belong in this forum.
And, then you assume that I split from S18's father and directly went to H????
Uh, no... So becareful of putting too many assumptions in my story when there is such limited information.
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Originally Posted by KitCat
I also sat and reflected on the fact that I had ignored his Bday but 6 days later he wished me Happy Bday in a text. He also made sure to text S18 that the next day was Mother's Day and on Mother's Day he simply texted Happy Mother's Day ( I did not reply.) If I'm so willing to mentally draw a line in the sand over H not coming to party to be the end all, then I should really mirror his efforts (but nothing MORE.)
And here we go!
Originally Posted by KitCat
I texted "Happy Father's Day" @9:30pm at night. - I put the phone on the nightstand and rolled over to go to sleep.
How did you sleep afterwards?
I slept PERFECTLY!!!!
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Originally Posted by KitCat
I knew he would immediately respond with - thank you. I knew that there would be nothing more. He knew I was out of town all weekend and I knew he would not ask a single question - such as how was your weekend, etc. Because i knew this to be how it would go down and I accepted it meant nothing more than social niceties I texted. I was tempted to send this old funny 3sec video of all the kids, BUT I did not because that would not be mirroring his effort but instead doing more.
100% guaranteed you never get the response you are looking for when you send a desperate text
???? I got the exact text I predicted I would get...
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Originally Posted by KitCat
I didn't even bother to look at the phone until I was already up for awhile and getting ready to head out the door. Yup, text from H saying "thank you". Shoulder shrug and out the door.
I am sorry you didn't get the respose you wanted.
I had zero expections. Again - I got the exact text response I expected which is why I never bothered rolling over and looking at my phone until I was heading out the door. Before I fell asleep I heard my phone give a notification --- I could not be bothered to even look. Didn't care. Wasn't really interested. Didn't even check my phone period until i was out the door for work checking to be sure didn't have other business matters to address.
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Originally Posted by KitCat
I was pretty ambivalent to all of this. I completely understand now that H reaching out with Happy Birthday/Mother's Day AND his response to Happy Father's Day ALL come from a place of compassion AND not a place of attraction. And only when things come from a place of attraction do they mean anything. I accept this and for that reason don't feel that this set me back at all. I am continuing radio silence unless something important warrants it.
KK. You need IC really bad. You are spinning out of control and unfortunately it is going to get worse before it gets better. Denial is the easiest of the stages of grief.
But, I'm not spinning. I was like "whatever"... it hasn't impacted my day. The point was I was trying to post that it didn't bother me --- his response either way didn't bother me and I predicted his response... and it doesn't bother me.
I went to work and I'm not going "oh my gosh he texted me immediately... that must mean something... or he texted me what does that mean?" I agree I've had those "panicked" moments oh dear lord he texted me... what does it mean???
Apparently, I did not get across very well that neither had expectations nor feel his response means anything. It did not send me spinning which why I discussed it --- because I did not have those same emotional storms that I have had previously. It is what it is and nothing more.
