Don't be too hard on yourself. Learning to control your emotions is a difficult task. My guess he is gas lighting you trying to get you to file or ask him to leave so you're the bad gut. Stay out of his way and give him time and space. If OW is really gone then he will need time to grieve her anyways. You are at mile 1 of the marathon. The misconception is once the OP is gone things will be fine. That is actually so far from the truth.
