I don't want a divorce II NEW THREAD Pt 16

[LH19]

The road trip overall was great! It was good to just have plans and to not be at home. "Yarn Shopping" was success. If you want high end Peruvian alpaca to make a garment that will last a lifetime you have to get to specialty stores. I bought enough yarn to make 2 sweaters - 1 for winter and a lighter one with linen for summer.

I am glad you had a good time this weekend!

Really sat with a lot of my feelings. Started accepting that while H shows being nice/kinder which makes my brain thinks there a chance, UGH, but really there have been zero moves to show any vacillation from his current path.

So it sounds like logically you understand but then the following sequence of events happen below.

As I sat with my feelings I realized that I would not be very forgiving if H blew off S18's party. H knows how unreliable his father has been over the years and H ultimately had more influence over him than anything. H doesn't want to go because he feels it would be awkward, but seeing how his own mother and nephews will be there and possibly his son and gf I think there would be lots of opportunity to avoid my family and still stay for at least 30-40mn.

So you have been with back to back man who have been $hitty father figures. This is something you should be exploring with IC. Why you pick crappy men.

BUT, its completely 100% up to him. I will not ask again.

I bet you lunch you ask again.

I will not apply any pressure but I'm certain I would be done with him.

Ok. We shall see about that.

I also sat and reflected on the fact that I had ignored his Bday but 6 days later he wished me Happy Bday in a text. He also made sure to text S18 that the next day was Mother's Day and on Mother's Day he simply texted Happy Mother's Day ( I did not reply.) If I'm so willing to mentally draw a line in the sand over H not coming to party to be the end all, then I should really mirror his efforts (but nothing MORE.)

And here we go!

I texted "Happy Father's Day" @9:30pm at night. - I put the phone on the nightstand and rolled over to go to sleep.

How did you sleep afterwards?

I only texted because I was 100% certain I knew how he would respond.

Actually very predictable

I knew he would immediately respond with - thank you. I knew that there would be nothing more. He knew I was out of town all weekend and I knew he would not ask a single question - such as how was your weekend, etc. Because i knew this to be how it would go down and I accepted it meant nothing more than social niceties I texted. I was tempted to send this old funny 3sec video of all the kids, BUT I did not because that would not be mirroring his effort but instead doing more.

100% guaranteed you never get the response you are looking for when you send a desperate text

I didn't even bother to look at the phone until I was already up for awhile and getting ready to head out the door. Yup, text from H saying "thank you". Shoulder shrug and out the door.

I am sorry you didn't get the respose you wanted.

I was pretty ambivalent to all of this. I completely understand now that H reaching out with Happy Birthday/Mother's Day AND his response to Happy Father's Day ALL come from a place of compassion AND not a place of attraction. And only when things come from a place of attraction do they mean anything. I accept this and for that reason don't feel that this set me back at all. I am continuing radio silence unless something important warrants it.

KK. You need IC really bad. You are spinning out of control and unfortunately it is going to get worse before it gets better. Denial is the easiest of the stages of grief.