I guess in a functioning marriage, your spouse's response to your actions, the way they 'read' and interpret you, and the adjustments you need to make to make sure each person in the marriage is feeling safe, happy and having their needs met is a constant balancing act.
When the marriage is over - either at BD or when the LBS drops the rope, the opinions of each spouse are none of the other's business, nor should they be.
When we were separated, my H really wanted me to let him know in advance if I was going to go out and if so, who would be looking after Youngest (sometimes I had a female friend sit in with her for a few hours in the evening). If we were together, I'd of course want to take his feelings and judgements into account. When we were S, I relied on my own best judgement, and let him respond to that in any way he saw fit. If he had serious welfare concerns he had options available to him - like calling social services (and being laughed at).
I think some spouses want you to carry on taking their needs and opinions into account even after they've fired you, and they find the transition very difficult. Poor lambs. I remember saying to H, 'but we've separated and we have a childcare agreement that suits us both. What I do with the kids on my time is my business. Do you have safety concerns?' - and him being unable to answer. He didn't have any safety concerns at all, he just didn't like not being Big Chief in the house any more. Again - poor lamb.
