WAS's will absolutely manipulate the situation so that they are the victim. They can make the LBS feel cornered so that they have choice A (stay in limbo) or choice B (traumatize the kids). This leaves one feeling powerless. You do have control over your own life, even though the WAS's words and actions can make you feel otherwise.
I was stuck for several months with this mentality in my (completely different) situation. I eventually decided on choice C: I decided to have faith that my love for my kids would show through, and I decided I would focus on that. I will NEVER tell my children my version of what happened. Not now, not when they are adults. Maybe they will blame me, maybe my WAW will weaponize them. I did not make this decision trying to be the bigger person... it was the best way I could see through, and I felt like I was giving my children the gift of keeping them out of this awful drama as much as I could. All that kids want is to have 2 loving parents. Perhaps they will judge me, now or in the future. I can't control that.
I've stolen Unchiens response above from Mays thread. It sat so true with me that I wanted to respond but thought it was better to do it on my thread.
I have been accused of being emotionally empty (i.e. detached), selfish (GAL) and "too little too late" (180). When I went out (with friends) I was neglecting the children, when I act cool and aloof, I am neglecting the children, when I 180 (going the gym, taking care of myself) I am neglecting the children. All of this said within earshot of the kids.
So, thank you unchien, for putting into words what I have felt for so long.
