From the beginning of all of this, I have unequivocally stated that it’s me or a friendship with EA/OW. During our initial reconciliation, he said no big deal, you really have overestimated the extent of EA, he has never, ever taken it to the physical side of things in any way shape or form. ‘But she’s in love with you’ I said, and that’s super dangerous. He said I know and it makes me feel sick to my stomach and I am not sure what to do. This woman is a client and is responsible for launching our business/career and she brings a lot of value and cache to our company. He is concerned that he can’t just ‘drop’ her without some major professional damage being done.
Oh dear that sounds super complicated. I think he needs to hear the NC thing from an IC or MC. My H was the same - as well as being told I had over-estimated the significance of the EA, during the times when he did state he wanted to work on the M he refused to accept that he should delete EAP from his phone, or not hang out with her on group nights out. It was only when his IC told him he needed to end the friendship and go NC if he wanted to try and work on his M that he accepted that was what he needed to do. Coming from me, it was control, and that was what he was trying to get away from. That said, I don’t feel your H has reacted fairly, as he’s only seeing it from his side, and not understanding that NC is required for your own healing. I agree with LH- you may need an intermediary to help you navigate this step.
I think pulling back slightly is the right thing to do, you both still need plenty of breathing space.
I hope Father's Day goes better for you!
M:49 H:49 T:20 M:18 D:16 D:14
EA: Feb 2019-May 2020 Separated: Mar-early Aug 2020 H asked to reconcile: Jun 2020 EA relapse: Oct/Nov 2020 Recon #2: since Nov 2020
