H came home on his hands and knees begging for me back and moved back in (he didn’t have a place to live any longer as his rental ran out). I have stayed a couple of nights away over the past week just to give myself some space, but I agreed to work on things as long as we took the time to carefully and slowly unpack how we go to where we were. He agreed. He told the kids that we were not getting a D, that we were going to be together and they didn’t have to worry about it anymore. Things were great for a few days, lots of the old H back, lots of loving interactions and good communication. He can’t explain everything that led him to what happened, but the closest he could come to it was that he was hurt in our M and pushed himself to try to be someone he was not and then realized who he actually was and what he wanted (me). His extreme anxiety immediately went away and he was so grateful that he was feeling whole again and he credited our reunion with allowing him to feel whole and happy again.
From the beginning of all of this, I have unequivocally stated that it’s me or a friendship with EA/OW. During our initial reconciliation, he said no big deal, you really have overestimated the extent of EA, he has never, ever taken it to the physical side of things in any way shape or form. ‘But she’s in love with you’ I said, and that’s super dangerous. He said I know and it makes me feel sick to my stomach and I am not sure what to do. This woman is a client and is responsible for launching our business/career and she brings a lot of value and cache to our company. He is concerned that he can’t just ‘drop’ her without some major professional damage being done.
We have had baby talks about this all week. I have asked for a transparency plan. He said he wasn’t in communication with her, but didn’t give me any definitive details on how he planned to make me feel safe. I felt some pulling back from his side and responded in kind (not unloving, just more distant). He would check in and I would mention that the EA was still eating at me.
Last night I shared an article about affairs and the importance of cutting off all contact. He went ballistic. Told me that I will never change, brought up all the old garbage from past year, told me how controlling I was and that it would never work. That I press and pressure him for things and that I can’t just let things slowly unfold the way they should. Which may be very true, maybe I should just let it all lay?
I know that a huge part of his self esteem comes from his success in his business and that she is woven into that success. That he may very well not reciprocate her feelings, but he doesn’t know how to navigate this and save himself, his family and his business.
I left the house last night for some space and will re-enter this morning with kids excited to celebrate Father’s Day and our reunion. I don’t know what to do next.
