W's maternal grandfather passed away this morning. She asked me to bring the kids around so she could break the news to them. W sounded 'hard', holding it all in I think. She had to ring one of her brothers and let him know the sad news.
Both the kids took it pretty well. W asked them if they wanted to attend the funeral. S15 said yes, so he could be there for his mum. The funeral will be in another state and there are some covid 19 hurdles to sort out. W needs to get exemption permits to avoid having to go into quarantine for two weeks on arrival. We think this will qualify under the compassionate grounds exemption. W talked about driving, as she didn't think flying was an option. I offered to drive her, or take turns driving with her, even if I didn't go to the funeral. W didn't say anything. I had a look and found some flights so W will look into it tomorrow.
Today was meant to be hand-over day but D13 wanted to stay with me. She flipped back and forwards a lot about where she wanted to be. It wasn't an ideal day for her to be contrary but I'm sure it's to do with Pop's passing, at least in part. (Last week she told me how much she hates W for the separation and related things. I'm sure 'hate' is misleading. I'm sure that in reality she is overwhelmingly sad. She never wants to talk about or acknowledge the situation. She said something to me which showed a real desperation for things to be put 'right'.)
W and I sat outside for a little while. W told me about a job interview she has at work tomorrow, and we talked a little bit about Pop. W called me by name at one point, which is such a rare thing. W had intended to go grocery shopping today but was completely sideswiped by the situation. I offered to go shopping for her, while she stayed with the kids. W didn't say anything but the next thing I knew was that she and S15 were going to do it after I left. Maybe she just wanted the distraction, but it really feels like she won't let herself be helped by me one iota, even at a time like this.
I took D13 home, got S15's things together, then took them back to W. W looked utterly forlorn, all lost and subdued and red round the eyes, like she was totally exhausted and had been crying. She didn't talk to me when I first arrived at the house. I wanted to sweep her up in my arms and comfort her, but she is projecting a stone wall at me.
My heart goes out to W and I would like to be there for her. A forlorn hope, obviously. I would also like to go to the funeral, to pay respects to Pop and see Grandma and be there for all my family. S15 has texted me however, saying he wants to talk to me tomorrow about me not going to the funeral. It's a bit of a letdown but whatever W wants. I certainly don't want to impose myself.
I am glad S15 is there. He has been hugging his mum and holding her hand. I wish I was able to comfort W but I am very proud of S15. This is not a time to think about us or me. W let me give her a hug for a little while when we first arrived, but that seems as much as she will let me do.
The only other wrench is that I have a milestone birthday this time next week. We were going to go as a family to visit my Mum. (Mum & I share the same birthday.) Mum is in her late 70s and can't have many people visit due to the covid 19 restrictions. It is more than likely that the funeral will be around the same time, so W and family will either be at the funeral or travelling for it. It's one more reason why I'd also like to go with them. It looks like instead I will travel solo to see Mum. Not that I don't want to see my Mum, but she's already said no need to visit, don't get me anything, don't make a fuss etc. I suppose having a party of the two of us is better than both of us sitting alone. I've got the dog though. Hmm, need to bring the dog on a three hour roadtrip to Mum's. Joy!
