What about setting a timeline, if it feels right, when you would simply make it a point to check in with this list? How your current boundaries are working (or not) and how you're feeling about the ones that you're only thinking about now. Even though you'll probably be evaluating all of this as you go, perhaps having a set date when you know you'll be allowing yourself to change course (or not--and not even necessarily with regards to D) would be helpful.
May, this is excellent, gold-standard advice from Cardinal. Don't check in with your H, checking his behaviours against your expectations and your time-line. Check in with yourself.
And don't mind-read your future self. As the months and years pass, you don't know what you will be able to forgive and understand, and what kinds of friendships you can form. As it is so incendiary to your husband, and as neither of you can guarantee how you will feel or what you will want in the aftermath of a divorce, I'd quit all talk about the future for now - even in your own head.
This is an amazing list. Use it to check in with yourself weekly - or so - and make sure that the things on the list still should be on the list, and that your small actions align with your big most deeply held values.
