Things that have happened in the past few months, which I haven’t posted about much for anonymity’s sake, have cemented that I am completely done. I may forgive but I will never forget.
Everyone here has a different tolerance level for the WAS I guess. I don’t think of it in terms of how long it might take for them to turn around. I just came around to the idea that I deserve happiness. Living under a microscope where my WAW is just waiting for something to happen so she can take the kids away - that’s not tolerable for me. We had something pretty good when we were younger, it gradually eroded. My W has never been one to take responsibility for her part in relationship conflict, whether with me, her family, friends, colleagues. I guess she may change at some point. I’m not waiting around. Yes, DB preaches patience and equanimity. It also preaches self-respect and self-care. I calmly reached the point where I realized, to my core, that I needed to secure my future with my children, and move on 100%. This process is difficult, but had I not initiated it, I would still be stuck in limbo. I realized I was trying too hard to be some super-Zen patient monk, rather than just try to be happy day to day. It’s a fine line... when do you move on? How long do you stay patient while life goes by? It’s different for everyone. It takes time for a WAS to turn back towards the MR. or it may never happen?
Put simply, I called her bluff after a year of hoping things could shift towards at least an amicable D. And she proved me right by showing she was planning to take them away all along. There will be no R and I am 1000% okay with that! I am at peace.
