Disentangling my situation is a big mess right now. Lots of saber-rattling from STBXW. It is exposing how low she is willing to sink to get her way. It is extremely stressful, but one way or another things will resolve and I am on the path to a happier life.
Had she been willing, I probably would have at some point tried to piece and work on MR2.0. At this point, I am glad that did not happen. Maybe it's grey-colored glasses. I've learned how much I neglected myself during our MR - largely but not entirely due to my own fault - and how I will never allow that to happen again. The only single thing I regret at this point is the impact of D on my children, but I believe
I met my W in my mid-20s. At the time I thought she was meeting my needs, mostly by listening and paying attention to me. I had no clue what I wanted. We shared some common interests. She listened to me. Over time things tilted towards mostly adapting to her desired lifestyle. Maybe it was me allowing it to happen. Maybe she was controlling. I think it was a bit of both. I think back sometimes to red flags from very early in our relationship, things that I would notice now in my wise older age
I'm mostly posting this stuff because I spend time thinking about how I want to live in the present, and going forward: What do I want out of life? What kind of people do I want in my life?
Hey U -
Good to see you here, man! I am glad that you are feeling more calm and sure of yourself. That goes a long way toward rediscovering who you are. Good for you
It is probably best to not rewrite history. I learned that lesson from my parents' D. Instead - look at all the positives you had as a result of your MR - esp 3 great kids
I am learning a lot about life too, as you are. The biggest thing I have come to realize is this. What happened, happened. It was what it was. It's our attitudes and feelings that determine if it was "good" or "bad". It's incredible to think about how our attitudes about the past change from time to time, our memories fluctuate and shift all the time, but the situation itself is always, well - neutral. It's part of life, I guess.
Anyway - don't forget how long WAS timelines are. Maybe in 4 or 5 years W will wake up and realize what she no longer has. Or maybe not. It's impossible to predict the future. I am already approaching year 4 total of W's "crisis". When they say these things are marathons, they mean it.
Keep yourself even and steady as you have been. You're doing great, man
