Meeting female bff for some yarn shopping and then ending up at her house for knitting and gal talk.
I know 90% of the time I seem like a crazy hot mess - BUT, this is truly the greatest self improvement project I have ever undertaken.
I'm literally exhausted from reading and watching videos. Parts are hard because I'll flashbacks to 6yr ago over a stupid thing that happened and realize it never had to go that direction. My biggest problem was I would not STFU. While my words said one thing, my actions conveyed feelings of disrespect. You have no idea how much that drives me to rent a billboard with the biggest apology ever... and the self control its been taking to not suddenly text heart felt sorrows and regrets. BUT, I realize that is WHERE I am at.... and apologies are only good if the other person is at a place to accept them. For that reason, I just write it out and keep it safe. In a way I am apologizing to myself... which is a step toward forgiveness.
I'm accepting this place of limbo. Prior to this it was a complete pressure cooker... the constant texts and phone calls over the financial order.
I know that the lack of pursuit in the last 6 weeks over the financial order, attys, and D is solely due to the release of pressure. Having established a new space, new routine, new social settings has created a relaxed place. The line has been drawn in the sand and there is a defined date. If nothing is done a year from that date... its all dropped. Its 9mo off and that seems like a long time I suppose.
But, I'm also feeling a lot less pressure. Not having someone breathe down my neck with angry calls and texts over that order has let me breathe. Its also allowing me to bury my head in the sand pretending that this isn't happening which I know is not good for me at all. I have to realize at some point the ball will be picked back up and there will be forward motion.
