Moving On

[may22]

Thanks, Steve.

I totally agree that not letting him eat cake is not emotional abuse. It was just interesting to me to see this from his eyes for a second.

The main reason I was really interested in your perspective-- and perhaps I should have sought it out a month ago and I wouldn't be here-- is that you R'd with your wife without a physical separation. You talked about watching her go through the grieving process of losing her EA. I was interested in how you knew she was moving into piecing. From what I recall, it didn't happen right away, correct? How did you behave with her once she ended the A and before you decided you were actually in piecing? It seems like most if not all of the situations I follow here had a physical separation, during which the WS realized what they were missing, etc. (or not, in which case the LBS continues to focus on themselves and generally is happier without their ex.) And then when their WS is ready to reconcile, there is no confusion. I feel like that is probably not an overnight change for most WSs and that it takes time for the WS to realize and process, and generally doesn't happen under the direct gaze of the LBS.

All moot in my sitch at this point, but I was curious about that.

In his mind, he isn't currently in an A, or in a relationship of any kind with AP. She's dating other people (though still in love with him). He broke it off in February and is now questioning that choice. He's scared he's going to lose his chance with her. I know whatever he does is completely outside of my control, and I need to drop all expectations and accept what is happening right now. It is difficult for me after the past four months. But I'm working on it.

I'm probably not going to file for D at this point. I know it would be justified. But it is not in alignment with how I see myself and who I want to be. I may at some point in the future, and I'm ok with that. I need to meet with an L and figure out what is best for me financially.

Focusing on me and what I need right now, and avoiding R talks is about the best I can do today.