Completely lost, where am I?

[SteveLW]

Well, the W was still in the mood last night so we did have sex after all. However, before hand she asked if we should do it considering what we were going through? I asked her what she meant, and she point blank told me that this did not mean she was ILWM or attracted to me, that it was just a need she needed to be filled. "So basically the same as the last I don't know how many years?", I asked. She nodded. I said that's fine, I didn't expect anything to get turned around in just a few weeks anyway. She then mentioned that she didn't feel she was getting much from our MC(person). I agreed and said that I felt like I was doing more of the counseling, since I was the one pushing for us to create goals such as "Do at least 1 thing each week to make you happy". She agreed. I don't recall her exact words but she mentioned all the changes I had been making. I said that was because we both had to be in charge of our own happiness and that until we were both happy with ourselves then we would not be able to fix our marriage nor truly be happy with anyone else. I said that if we got divorced right now and jumped into new R's we would just end up in the same boat within a couple of years. So I was focusing on making myself happy and that if she decided to join me great, but if not, then I was going to make sure I was ready for my NEXT R, whomever that may be with. She said that hurt to hear, but she understood where I was coming from. She then changed the subject to a new diet tracking app on her phone that she demoed for me. Then we used each other for sex, just as we have apparently done for years.

The Texan, this really reminds me of when my W was finally over her EA. She started wanting sex. Apparently the sexual reawakening that had led to her EA (and on the prowl for a second one as she was a WW), she started initiating with me under the guise that this did not mean we were staying together, nor that her feelings had changed. I told you that she also requested no kissing, especially open-mouthed, french kissing. She went through a period of several weeks where she was initiating daily, sometimes multiple times a day.

What I would like to point out to you, that while her intent is just sex, touch is an extremely powerful thing. My W just wanted sex. And in absence of an OM she settled for me. But after a few weeks of lots of sex, she couldn't help but feel a connection. Sex for women, whether they want it to or not, invokes an emotional response. It is the same concept behind touch charges. Touching, even mechanically at first, builds closeness. It is almost subliminal. But it does. So if you can have sex with her without getting your hopes up and placing expectations on it, I encourage it.

By the way, do not underestimate the power of the talk charges too. Women love to be engaged verbally. And when she is talking active listening. I think your sitch is in a great place, and if you start doing a few things to reestablish connection, then you will be able to turn this around.

So have sex with her (just realize that at the beginning it doesn't mean anything).
Keep up the touch charges.
And make sure you are doing the talk charges. Fun little things to share with her that are light, fun, interesting.

You got this man! I like where things are heading. Just make sure to keep GAL, working on yourself, and continue to differentiate yourself so you are a whole, healthy person outside of your MR.