And, the document actually states that there is hope that the marriage can be saved....
That's just standard separation language. Don't pin your hopes on stuff like that. You really do a lot of grasping at straws! The thing is, there IS hope, just not where you keep looking. The hope is way down the road and a lot has to happen before then. And you know what has to happen because it's been hammered into you here- detach. Let go. Leave him be. Accept that he's done and gone for now and for the near future.
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I need to go out and live my life. This is a trial period for us both.
Yes to the first part. No to the second. It's not a trial period. The M is completely over and done. Your goal is not to resume the M. It's to free yourself from clinging to what is already gone and become the strong and independent person you need to be for you, and that -might- attract him back some day.
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Maybe that's why I'm no longer getting any pressure from him??? He's doing this trial period too.
No he's not doing a trial separation, he's done. He's not applying pressure because he doesn't need to because you've removed a lot (not all, but a lot) of the pressure from him. This happens ALL THE TIME. The LBS steps back and removes pressure, the LBS quits talking about D. It doesn't mean they've changed their mind, they just no longer feel pressured to pursue it.
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Maybe I can't grasp the concept that my H is done...
I think you do struggle with that quite a bit. You're still in a bit of denial about how done he is. Like we keep saying, later, who knows. But for now and a month from now and (probably) a year from now? Done.
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Maybe I can walk away and let things be and let him feel my absence during this trial. Reframe my thinking.
I really want you to change your mindset. Quit doing things hoping it will change his outlook. Just like the above, you say you want to walk away to "let him feel my absence". No, walk away because you need to let go. He's not going to feel your absence, he has all the warm and fuzzy feelings with OW right now. That limerence needs to wear off before he'll start questioning his choices, and that is way down the road.
Let go and move on. Your constantly coming here and hyper-analyzing every little thing he says and does or doesn't say and doesn't do is not helping you move on.
