Pure. Emotional. Abuse. "I don't care what you want or how it affects you, I am going to do it the way I want. And if you do not allow me I will escalate!"
Playing devil's advocate for a second... when I read this, it actually makes me think that this is how H sees me. I don't care about his feelings for AP, I don't even care to understand them (=not caring about wanting to understand HIM, therefore not caring about him). I don't care how sad and sorry you are about losing someone you love. You'll get over it. But I will never forgive you if you do something to hurt the children and oh I also won't be your friend.Plus, you can't live in the house you love and have put so much time and energy and love into.
I think this is how he sees me-- threatening to take away things that are incredibly important to him and unwilling to accept that his love for AP is real and may never go away. He never had a long-term GF before me, never told anyone he loved them before me. So he doesn't know how to break up with someone.
One huge difference.......you don't want any of this. You want your H back,and your family intact! By way of comparison, he FIRED you as his W.
LBSs often struggle with the difference here. Not letting him cake eat is NOT emotional abuse. It is not threatening to take things away. It isn't even not accepting that the love for the AP is real and may never go away. In fact, not letting him cake eat REINFORCES what he has already stated he wants!! The only thing he is doing is delaying until Plan A firms up. Until then he needs his Plan B firmly in place. Because having two unfirm Plans is unstable for him.
Taking the stability out of Plan B is EXACTLY what you should be doing.
Kick him out of the MBR. File for D. Hire a great lawyer.
Unless you are okay with being Plan B........................
Last edited by Steve85; 06/19/2001:15 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
