DB'ing while living in with a WAS/MLC husband

[BlueSea]

In what world do you think that trying to connect with him right now is the right move? As LH says, you let him come to you!

Steve, LH - Yes! Why is it that I can not see this myself? When I read your advice its crystal clear and I kick myself for allowing myself to get so confused so easily. I overly complicate things. I think being an LBS induces a sort of brain damage. I am grateful for this board and advice found here. I wish I could maintain solid focus (much like Spiral) and stop getting deterred so easily. And again, why do I continue to try to rush everything? It has just a been a week since OW is out of the picture, (still unconfirmed).

Spiral - you quickly were able to nail it on the head. "Just get out of the car. Detach." Yes! I would like to say I would know this, but at this point, I can not see the forest for the trees sometimes. So thank you for the straight on succinct advice.

May - I hear you about giving him space. I need a huge billboard to remind me as I leave my room, on what I need to do, and keep focus on - maybe a small one, that just says - DB, detach, low contact. Its hard to DB when they are in the house!
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I have given thought about the relationship and 'heal ability' at this point. Its low. He is trying to move forward with all of us, without showing remorse. Downplaying it even. I am very wary of backsliding. I do not trust him at all. He is speaking a good game (he is in sales after all). We had our MC today, and he was very positive, and even asked to borrow MWD's Healing from Infidelity book from me. The counselor was definitely enamored with his humor. Kills me he can work everyone so easily. I keep track of ACTIONS in my Journal - helps me to attempt to stay clear of his spin. I am way too gullible otherwise. If he reads the MWD book - then I will note the action in my Journal.

I will not lie and say I don't love him still, but not as fiercely as I use to. I still do want to move forward on a path with him....but I now see a path without him that exists and that path is no longer the end of the world. And when I think of that path without him, I no longer have a panic attack or feel anxious. I just feel resignation, as in, sigh, too bad. He asked me about how I feel the other day on where we were, and I let him know as objectively as possible that our marriage was an island...and however long it takes for him to drift towards that island...I am on the other side, drifting away during that same time. I guess that just happens naturally right? Does that happen to others here? Love just floats away? Or does one just get numb from all the pain?

I feel like love is an entity that needs to be fed and nourished, and its pretty sickly right now over here - I understand I need to be feeding my own love myself and getting it back to healthy - I think I am just realizing that this is what I have to do since its crazy for me to have any expectations that he will feed the love AT ALL....So I can continue to be the shell I am, waiting for love that will never come from him, or I can get up, brush myself off, introspect, and GAL. I think once I do that, I will be stronger as a person, no longer taking things so personally, and have the wherewithal to separate that their actions are just that, theirs. Their feelings, or sway in feelings have no affect on me - that only will happen if I have healthy self-love & detachment.

But seeing that's what I have to do, and doing it, are two separate things.