Steve- I would not say he is giving me the cold shoulder. He typically reaches out just not as often as I reach out. It may take him two or three weeks where as I am co-dependent and usually try to talk to him daily. I do not need to talk to him daily. It would be nice if he reached out more often. Of course in the beginning he did but now he has been taught he does not need to because I will reach out first. I have sat quietly about 12 days.
I was pretty resistant when you pushed out never talk to him again. I am not sure I am ready for that however I am prepared to do my part to change the dynamic and if that is what happens then I am sure I will be ok. Before COVID I was honestly so busy I did not have time to meet new people. I did not need GAL activities because I was so tired I fell into bed every single night. My D12 is usually in competition gymnastics (10 hours a week) dance (3 hours a week) and plays on a travel softball team (spring, summer, fall) and school softball (summer) I also work 2 jobs and go to nursing school full time. I barely had time to figure out where I needed to be next. I leave home at 430AM and some nights do see home again until 830 and need to make dinner and take care of D12. With COVID obviously that is much different. It was very stressful for us at first. We went from crazy to dead stop. We are back to gymnastics and I am only working one job right now as restrictions allow us not to work in multiple facilities. We have been doing a lot of in state travel to outdoor state parks. I am certainly not opposed to meeting new people. I am not comfortable with online dating (I think part of this is self esteem however another part of this is probably childhood trauma and the sexual abuse I was subject to by a neighbor) I do not care for meeting strangers and am pretty cautious about my surroundings. I meet new people through friends and what not. I would like to think I am not sitting around just waiting, other opportunities just have not presented themselves. I do believe if someone else came along I would probably consider it.
HaWho-I have always been honest with the fact that I am not even sure what a healthy relationship looks like so I am not sure what I would want out of one. Every relationship I have been subject to has been messy and not so healthy. I will put some thought into this though. As for courted, I don't mind going out occasionally, however I will be honest the nights I spent just laying around on the couch with him are just fine also. As mentioned above I am typically so busy I am not sure where I am going. I also try not to hang out with him on the nights I have my D. So that is pretty limited time. She is gone one night a week and every third weekend.
Respect- That is a key word I keep coming back to. I have always just pursued and pushed and been extremely available in this R. So I agree I am sure he does not respect me. I would like to earn my respect back. I would like to respect myself first and hopefully that allows him to respect me also.
It is definitely not a pattern I want to teach my daughter. I understand it is what I am teaching her and I need to keep that in mind.
I am choosing to do the work now. I will be calling tomorrow to a few IC to see if I can get something set up. I think this is probably going to be one of the most important steps for me to take. I am not ready to just walk away yet but I will have less contact and see if he does a little bit of the work himself.
