I agree Steve and Vapo. This is about the kids, not me. I would never openly discuss the M in front of them. But I do not want her to say something like "We decided..." This is her decision and I feel she needs to own it.
I agree Steve and Vapo. This is about the kids, not me. I would never openly discuss the M in front of them. But I do not want her to say something like "We decided..." This is her decision and I feel she needs to own it.
You should do some reading on how to tell the kids. This is not a blame session. And in the end, you did decide. Unless you are telling me you want your W to stay with you against her will?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve, You are right. It's probably just semantics. She did decide to end the marriage and break up the family. I have decided at this point to not fight for her and to let her go. We will come up with something. I will suggest something like, "It's been decided..." I will do some more reading as well. Thanks for the feedback Steve et al. It's very helpful to be able to bounce these things off of others who have been through it.
I will suggest something like, "It's been decided..."
If she's the one telling them, it may go smoother to take a step back and let her figure out and say her own words. You can always add your own if you feel she missed something important.
I have almost no recollection of "the moment" I told my kids I was D'ing their mom. It was a less important moment for sure than our many follow-up talks as things got "real" over the following weeks. I did read a thin book on the subject of explaining the news to the kids that I read and referred to often.
Tomorrow we meet with mediator to sign papers and get the D filed. Not feeling the dread I hate even a just a few months. I am hopeful we can hammer out the details in a reasonable manner, We both like and trust out mediator, so that should help our cause.
W texted a couple of days ago about paying for some clothes for S11 and followed up with a few texts that bordered on R talk. It seemed like she was just sort of explaining how she has rewritten history. I just validated and did't further the conversation much at all. Among the lines she said to me were, "This was/is a difficult decision for me. I didn't wake up one day and decide this." "We've had no connection for years and I've tried to make it perfect and happy and it's just not there." "Why do either of us want to stay in a marriage that we don't feel loved or appreciated or whatever the case may be?" "Yes. I think this is the best course of action.... for both us."
I found the last statement this most interesting, but I did not pursue and try to ascertain what she was trying to say there. She also offered to separate and "start moving on" so it would be gradual for the kids, which I declined.
She’s not going to feel connected while another man is involved and while her hormones are changing etc, etc, etc. unfortunately with her mindset you had no chance. Your W reminds me of my ex and will likely head down the same path. I’m two years out and her life is no better. She’s dating a loser and just lost one job and got her hours cut at another job so she’s totally stressed out. I guess you can’t predict a pandemic when your planning out your amazing life.
You’re doing the right thing by dropping the rope and letting her go.
I have 50/50 and my kids are doing great! My relationship with them is fantastic and at least 50 percent of the time they have a stress free place to live. Just tonight we had a big UNO games and there was nothing but laughter and smiles. You and your kids will be fine and you’ll be free of the BS drama of it all. This stuff all takes time to work itself through, you just have to be extremely patient with yourself.
