May, I can just imagine a little kid taking that super literally - "did he have a hole in his pants? did it fall out of his pocket?"
I don't think I'm doing anything other parents wouldn't do. As for remaining calm - if you read my first or second threads back when I was posting in Newcomers, you'll find me repeatedly freaking out over H being five/ten minutes late for child handovers. And I mean FREAKING out. It was silly. Eventually I learned to stop expecting H to do the right thing or even the comprehensible thing because he continued to demonstrate that he wouldn't or couldn't. You can't be disappointed if you don't have any expectations.
I had a fantasy of an amicable co-parenting relationship at first. I had accepted the end of the marriage. We'd had a cathartic final R talk and worked out a separation agreement. I was cooperative and pleasant. It felt apart because he had something to hide - the OW that I didn't know about at the time. I could NOT understand why he constantly undermined my attempts to construct a positive co-parenting relationship. I felt like I was going mad. Now THAT was emotional abuse. Parallel parenting was really my only option if I valued my sanity.
Thank you so much for saying that. I feel like I'm the lucky one, honestly. And I'm just glad that Australia doesn't have 50/50 default custody arrangements.
