I vacillate between just having it out with him... getting everything off my chest instead of stuffing it down and being done.
What reaction are you hoping for? If it's about getting it out so you can let go, writing a letter and then burning it works wonders. I've done that before and so have other forum members.
I have an app that I write this stuff out in so that I'm keeping it to myself and maintaining NC as much as possible. That does help. But, emotionally I feel I'm at a breaking point --- mostly because I have no patience and still have that kick of "desperation" to get on this and fix it now but that's on the same track as trying to be logical with him which we all know to be a farce.
I think right now I just want to shout at him... why???? IDK... I'm a toddler and I throwing a tantrum to get his attention??? Maybe.
I know I need to continue to STFU
Quote
Originally Posted by KitCat
To explore what a cooling off period is like - for me? for him?
Exploring what "cooling off" looks like for you is fruitful. Exploring what "cooling off" looks like for him sounds futile since he's not interested (jumped right into a PA) and you can't make him.[quote]
Yes, thanks for the reminder I do not control him. But, what I meant by "for him" was some serious time and space FROM ME. Giving him his choices. [quote]
Originally Posted by KitCat
What if it didn't have to come to D?
He has not filed for D, you have not filed to D. It doesn't have to come to D until one of you files. Of course, he's left you, bought a new home, and has moved on with someone else.
The new home was going to happen. The plan was once S18 was out of school we move to his town. Before all this came to a head and I had to kick him out... I stated I would move to his town. That was agreed upon and I owed him that for the very fact he commuted for 10yr. It was my turn to sacrifice. His response was if I did move to his town it would not be in a $200k home (what we have now). As he stated this he was getting up from the table where we were both sitting and walked away. I just agreed that it would not be $200k home.
I also recognized his stress level at the time of all of this coming down was off the charts for him not to mention his sleep deprivation... those things were not helping as it was easy to blame me for everything.
He isn't sleep deprived any longer. And, he is at a place finally in the last 4 weeks where his stress level is coming down. But, I'm sure everyone here having seen these senarios many times over still sees him choosing OW and staying on that path.
I'm saying it out loud now too.. to train my brain... to move forward... to realize a major miracle would have to happen for him to turn back and really look at me.
