So I'm sitting with the idea that perhaps I should just move things forward? That puts me in control and then I no longer spend my time thinking... is this the day he texts/calls about D? Or, I get a notice that he finally has atty? But, the thought of all that work is exhausting to me... very exhausting. I will admit that I've been behaving like an ostrich with my head in the sand... i just don't want to acknowledge it let alone deal with it.
Push it forward only if it benefits you.
So if it doesn't benefit me ---- don't push through the D? Let it sit until he takes action? It actually doesn't benefit me to push things through.
What I need my brain to accept that his lack of movement is he is at the same place as me.... its just too exhausting to comprehend what needs to be sorted and divided. So we both are avoiding because it will be a lot more work than either of us want to devote to right now.
I need to sit with my anxiety. In the past I've made some really dumb moves (4mo ago at the beginning of my sitch). I would call needlessly and realized that was being driven by anxiety and that contact pushed him further away and really didn't alleviate my anxiety or if it did it was temporary.
I'm glad I sat with it last night and didn't contact - that would have been foolish and left me feeling worse.
I need to do some meditation perhaps? Never done that. I'm sure there are apps for that.
I need to act and accept that any day something may show up in the mail informing me H has atty. Or that one day there will be a text message asking where things are with D. My response is ready and practiced when that happens.
So that I've understood LH - do not push the D if it does not benefit me?
