Your kids cannot have the life back that they have had -- they can't. Your W's actions have removed that as a possibility. Seeing you stand up for yourself and continuing to love and support them is a great example to set.
Sometimes things don't work out the way you wanted but you can still have a wonderful life, despite the change. I'm sure your kids won't suffer for learning that lesson.
How are my kids doing now? Honestly they are doing GREAT! Do they like going back and forth between houses? No. Do they like that their family traditions, like vacations together and restaurant meals as a family have been disrupted? No. But they do feel loved by both of us, they know that we are there for them, they have each other, and that is more than enough. Believe me it is.
You can own and address and pick up the pieces from your own shortcomings and bad decisions. You can't fix the mess your wife has wrought. Your best path forward is to get away from her right now. Drop the rope. That is your only chance of having her come back around. Make it worse in order to make it better, it's the shortest path.
The path of half-measures leads to prolonged limbo and agony.
