Yes, I agree, I knew that it was about me not him. I was having a bad week of online dating plus job hunting rejection. Trying to do both at once is tough, you're constantly blowing your own trumpet and feeling under the microscope, then if you're told you don't measure up it feels like rejection instead of just not the right person/job/time. Oh well.
Things have been crazy this week. After an online dating lull there was suddenly a burst of activity. I think maybe dating more than one person at a time will be like this. I met a nice man on one website and we spent 2 days texting each other. I really liked his sense of humour and his cleverness. He is very smart and funny. Wasn't sure about his physical attractiveness so I moved up our date to Tuesday. Met him and thought maybe it was time to lose my virginity lol. So we spent the afternoon in bed. There were some really good bits and some disppointing ones (dating late 40s/50s guys will have its downsides...) Afterwards we went for a walk and I started feeling a bit trapped. Maybe it was all too much too soon. Kind of glad to have got it out of the way with someone nice though. On paper he is perfect, he's very single, no kids, good job, works not too many hours so plenty of time for me, is funny and smart. Physically he is not that attractive, he is a bit overweight and not fit at all. Looking after my body is very important to me, so being with someone who doesn't value his health is kind of a turnoff. Especially as he works in health! Also, I feel like maybe he's not active enough in terms of other interests. I like to be doing lots of things all the time, both physical and mental. Not sure he's like that. Anyway he has been texting and lot and I feel myself distancing, but I think it's me, not him. I need to have an honest conversation with him about this, he is much too nice to string along or not be honest with. Maybe I should go back to counselling to explore my behaviours here.
Another bloke I dated a few times asked me to go see the solstice with him Saturday morning and I jumped at the chance, when this new bloke wants to see me Saturday. So I guess I'm avoiding him. The solstice bloke, we don't fancy each other but we enjoy each other's company. Maybe I need some companionship right now with no romantic relationships?
The bloke I really fancy has not been in touch much at all. That's not why I fancy him, I really liked him when we met. We had a 3 hour picnic and a lot of fun. I'm not sure why he's so unavailable, but I really want someone to spend more than a few hours a fortnight with. So there's that, too. Typical, the one I really like I can't have
H is finishing his job today I think, and picking up ds1 for a few days visiting. I offered to take ds2 to him for father's day and collect ds1. I need to hear what is happening with his payout, it should be today. I am anticipating an R talk of some kind, probably him saying he wants D. That would be ok I think. I will survive.
